He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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