guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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