Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
