i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I need mimosas to revive my soul
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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