I understand Curling. That high.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
