my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
