this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
