i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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