Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
