I'm gonna have a badass scar
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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