I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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