I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
