If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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