Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
