38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
