It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
When are your genitals available?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
