Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
