im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
