I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
