Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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