the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
