Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Do vagina's smell?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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