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I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
