she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
