If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
