My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
