The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
