I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
