just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
