You can't motorboat a personality
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
