i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
