I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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