he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
