I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize