I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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