It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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