Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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