Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
