p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
