I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
