I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
