i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
