You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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