I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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