so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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