There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
