I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
