that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You were trust falling into bushes
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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