The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
