I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
