I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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