Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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